Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
