I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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