I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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