keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
