did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
