You're so nebulous sometimes
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
