dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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