It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
please come you make the beer taste better
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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