she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
