So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
