my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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