You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
