before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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