I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
