We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
