I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
