I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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