Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
