FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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