the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
