I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
