omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
