Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
