I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
