I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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