and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
