Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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