Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
