I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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