so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
