Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
