It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
