Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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