i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
