You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
