Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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