Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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