I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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