census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
