oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
