But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
