I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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