Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
