real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You can't just leave with hair like that
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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