Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
