While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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