I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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