While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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