The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Congratulations! We have a period
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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