I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
